I Have Been Put In A Corner By My Brother,hes Selected Me To Care For Our Dad—–?
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Question: who is recuperating from major brain surgery,dad is 93 and also has alzheimers disease made worse by this surgery,hes very unsteady on his feet and really needs a home care nurse to keep an eagle eye on my dad,however,ive been elected to do a licensed r n s job and watch his every move,i cannot go out of the house and i feel like a prisoner who is chained to my father.my aunt takes me food shopping and i have to take dad along .one of my friends told me i dont understand your brother,hes a smart man(hes a very busy dentist) and he makes tou do this! hes got nerve she told me.god forbid my father should fall ,the answer i get from other members of the family is—call 911.yeah,did you ever try to pick up a man of short stature or any height ? theyre dead weight!!!! tell me ,what do you think,am i right in wanting a home care nurse to watch my father,or are my family members right by leaving things the way they are.i will accept truthful answers only.
21 Comments
October 7th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Alzheimer’s patients are very difficult to care for at home and many times it is not advisable as they can put themselves and family members at risk. I would contact alzheimer’s support and get expert advice before someone gets injured.
Alzheimer’s Support
http://www.AlzInfo.org
October 7th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
I am confused as to why your family opted to go forth with “Major Brain Surgery” on a man of 93 with alzheimer’s diesease.
I was very helpfull to my grandmother when she cared for my grandfather with alzheimer’s. She was very warn out taking care of him and eventually our family knew he needed care we could no longer give.
If you are truly wiped out and can no longer care for your father at home then it is time to find him a new home in a skilled nursing home specializing in alzheimer’s patients.
It is a very tough decision to make but a very important one.
Most 93 year old men have children that are 50+ years old. I can only assume that you have yourself, a spouse and possibly older kids or grandchildren you help take care of too.
You need to sit down down with your Aunt, your brother and any other involved family memebers and work toward a goal that is best for dear old dad.
God Bless and take care.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Ship him off, I have an old fart that can join him, lol….
October 7th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
I was in a similar situation with my mom about 2 years ago, and I had to make some hard decisions. You should definately have a home aide nurse. There are some things that you are not skilled to do, and that is unfair for you and most definately your father, it is very dagerous as well. That can almost be considered elderly abuse. Your father deserves better care than that. Call the Department of Health and Human Services in your area. They can help you get the help you need, and sometimes it is free of charge, depending on your dads financial status.
Sounds like your brother is selfish and cheap!
October 7th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
This is very unfair of your brother or any other family,get home care now!It has nothing to do with care or loving,its just simply to much of a burden with no help.Who will tend to you when you are worn out and tired whens hes passed on?Also you can not give up your life for his thats silly.Get some help its sometime near free.
October 7th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
i love him
October 8th, 2009 at 12:26 am
Of course that is NOT right. If your dad needs 24/7 care he needs professionals to take care of that responsibility.
How on earth does someone delegate duties to someone else? Your family members are taking advantage of your kind spirit. Contact your local auspice facility for assistance/direction.
October 8th, 2009 at 12:52 am
Your brother doesn’t want to be bothered with this and thinks it should all fall on your shoulders. He better be careful, someday he may get sick and no one will be there to take care of him.
October 8th, 2009 at 1:43 am
If you take care of your father, consider it a task that God has given you, not your brother. I’m going thru a similar situation with my grandmother. She is 93. I grew up in a house where my single mother worked, and Gram was the “stay at home mom.” She lived with us my whole life then, my mom died in ‘03. By this time, Gram was in poor health: brittle diabetes, dementia, heart disease, high blood pressure, etc. Only one aunt (who has a mild disability) wanted to care for her, but family didn’t think she could handle it. None of Gram’s other children stepped up to the plate, except one of her daughters-in-law. Once “C” scammed a cereal-box-power-of-attorney, she wiped out Gram’s bank account and put her in a nursing home. In one of her more lucid moments, Gram asked me to take charge. It took me almost two years to “make things right.” She’s been at home two years now, and with the help of some state programs, we have a nurse that comes in twice a day for bp checks and insulin shots. She has a “housecall doctor” to check in on her at least once a month. She gets meals on wheels, and the best part is my disabled aunt gets paid to act as her home health aide – bathing, changing, feeding, grooming. I do all the shopping, pay their bills, run other errands, confer with the State and home health agencies, etc. Sure, I’m stressed, tired, angry and sometimes, downright resentful of my lot in life. I want to do as my other aunts, uncles and cousins are doing: living, laughing, taking great vacations, visiting only on holidays. However, I see it as my “inheritance” from my mother. Mom left such a wonderful legacy of love, caring and compassion, and it passed down to me. Some say it’s “an honorable thing.” To me, it’s out of love-overflowing; it’s the gratitude, it’s the glow on Gram’s face when she recognizes me, that makes the task all worth it. I love my grandmother, as I’m sure you love your father. They’re only here for a short time more. Let’s enjoy the stories and ramblings of their youth; let’s rejoice when they remember us. Let’s just run the race to the end… Faith, Hope, & Love abide, but the greatest of these is LOVE! God Bless you!
October 8th, 2009 at 2:41 am
Your dad is 93 just recovering from brain surgery plus he has Alzheimer’s so you need to contact Hospice now! He hasn’t got long here anyway, from what I can see. Be grateful you won’t have your brother taking care of you when you are old and can’t get around well. You’re going to need a long vacation after all of this. I betcha the brother will be the first one fighting over your father’s possessions too.
Bless your heart,
Grace Carrington
October 8th, 2009 at 2:53 am
This may be your father, but you should not have this all on you. You may encounter a break down. Your father needs a home care nurse. The family could maybe rotate their time. You stay for awhile then other family members. You need some personal space, even if you do not work. You are human and you have needs to take care of for yourself.
Take a walk or go to the library or watch a movie of your choice.
October 8th, 2009 at 3:38 am
There should be a home health nurse involved. You should not be left to care for this person 24/7 while the other family members take no responsibility. Since you are the one who was selected, you should elect that the family get together and hire a home health nurse. This person would be able to sit with your father while you work, attend school, shop, visit friends. You should not be the only one to stop living because your father is ill and needs attention.
October 8th, 2009 at 4:32 am
I would try talking to your brother because you should not have to be the sole helper he really needs an RN.
October 8th, 2009 at 5:11 am
It is not fair to be expected to do this!! Your father needs professional nursing care or to be put in a home. Your brother just doesn’t want to be bothered.
October 8th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Why does your brother think think he should relegate this responsibility to you? This is a matter for the whole family to discuss and find solutions to. I really do not think it should be your responsibility only, granted that he has a busy schedule. You are more than right in wanting to have a home care nurse. In fact it is the only responsible thing to do in this case.
October 8th, 2009 at 6:14 am
Why are you not getting outside help? I’m sure if you talk to your dad’s doctor he can recommend some societies or places that can help you. You should not be put in this position if money is a issue there are alzheimers associations that might be able to help with some sort of help as well.
Try the links below for information
October 8th, 2009 at 7:14 am
Hes your father,his love and appreciate is towards you now and hes counting on you but you can visit and care for him but hes 93, The Lord will claim him so continue to do what you can but hire a nurse, someone who is trainined to deal with situations you arent trainined to do . For your fathers sake and comfortability and safety and peace in his final days hire a nurse
October 8th, 2009 at 8:12 am
I HOPE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO YOUR BROTHER….SEE WHAT IT FEES WHEN HE IS BEING SICK AND NOT HAVEING SOMEONE TAKEING CARE OF HIM!
October 8th, 2009 at 8:57 am
You should have a home health nurse with your father as you would not be able to handle a medical emergency. I think you should find one and get her started without speaking to the family as they have put the care of your father on you – so take care of him the way you think would be best.
If they protest when they find out then tell them they are welcome to watch him full-time but that you don’t feel comfortable being left with the sole responsibility of watching him by yourself.
Good luck. And bless you.
October 8th, 2009 at 9:49 am
you should be able to get a home health nurse, but they typically don’t stay for several hours at a time. Another option is to look into nursing home as an alternative. I don’t know who the licensing agency is in other states, but if FL it’s AHCA and their website includes the results of their monitors of various facilities.
October 8th, 2009 at 10:14 am
A person is not physically capable of taking care of someone else for 24 hours a day, it is an impossibility. Does your father have a designated durable power of attorney for healthcare decisions? If so, they need to get your father, and you, the assistance that you both desperately need. There are home health agencies specifically for this type of situation, they can give you some relief. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. As for your brother, you need to confront him. Ask him to stay with Dad for an afternoon. Better yet, ask him to stay with Dad for a weekend so that you can get away. Tell him that you have had this planned for a while and can’t change it. I would imagine that his tune would change pretty darn quick! Good luck! There are also support groups and agencies that you can call for emotional support. Check your local phone book.